You cannot hold the truth down, and trauma will always remain and return.
The truth is people change. Sometimes it's temporary, others it's not.
It does not change that they've changed, that you're allowed to be repulsed when they become another familiar stranger.
The people you love the most can forget you exist entirely the moment something that fulfills them more comes along. Trust me, I've been replaced enough to know the feeling.
What's worse, you cannot say a word on it.
You are not allowed to ask for help.
You are not allowed to grieve what you never processed.
You are not allowed to be honest.
You just have to go through the motions expected of you and hope nobody wants the truth. Hope nobody pulls the truth from the hot and murky waters of hurt that they caused.
Hope nobody sees that you're away in your head.
You are not allowed to exist freely. Not allowed to speak.
No, you just have to sit and watch the mania unfold, sit and watch the people you love bend and warp under the weight of their own delusions.
Watch them hurl blame at situations arising from their actions. Watch them hurt the people you agree with, watch your family fall apart.
You have to watch yourself become an outsider... and you're expected to embrace it.
You're not allowed to be angry or bitter, you are expected to drink the Kool-aid, you are expected to change yourself to a fundamental level and throw away your real passion for the sake of a simpering person you once revered. You are expected to change for the worse to fit in.
You are expected to look the reason in the eyes and love it when your core screams in hate.
You are not allowed to be human and you are explicitly forbidden to just avoid the whole mess.
So forgive me if I'm done and tired and the tears are nowhere near done drying.
Forgive me if I hate who you have become.
Forgive me if I have failed your happiness.
Or don't.
That works too.
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